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Business bulls...t Posts
Business bulls**t – and how to interpret it.
October 24th, 2009
A friend of mine recently sat in a meeting with 20 people. It lasted 80 minutes and in that time he counted people saying ‘going forward’ 23 times. That’s once every 3.48 minutes.
So I thought I would track down some ridiculous language used in business meetings and what they actually mean.
All of these are from real situations.
‘In a downturn, you’ve got to ramp it up’
Up, down – my sense of direction is hopeless
‘We employ rounded people’
It’s a large operation
‘An astericks indicates a required field’
I read too many French cartoons as a child
‘Speaking from the gut rather than anywhere else’
Many parts of my body can talk
‘I think we need to build in a bigger carrot than that’
For me, vegetables are crucial to construction
‘20% is nevertheless 20%’
Stating the bleeding obvious is my forte
‘Their logo is definitely symmetrical, only it leans to one side’
My brain is lop-sided
‘Take it as a core thought and develop it as a learning curve from there’
I cannot distinguish between tangible objects, graphs and metaphors
‘I’m just talking out loud here’
Usually I talk silently
‘We have an enviable portfolio of clients that pays testament to our excellence’
Nobody envies our clients – they’re rubbish